Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Damn victory sex feels great
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
