We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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