Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
