remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
