me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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