farters have to be the big spoon...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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