when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
