There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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