when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
