Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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