Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
