well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
