I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
