last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
