I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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