It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
