Can i not drive my cunt home
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
