I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
