it wasn't lemon gatorade
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
