worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
