you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
