i think i have herpe
just one?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He passed out mid-signature
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
