im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
