Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
