I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize