I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
