That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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