I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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