PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
