tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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