this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize