i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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