all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
