I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
