i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
