last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
