Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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