Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
