yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
