so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
