i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
