Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
