What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
