I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
