Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
