I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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