I need help removing her.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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