Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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