I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize