How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
