I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
