the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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