Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
