I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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