You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
