I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
