I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
