Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
