Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
