"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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