i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
