oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I cut my penus on the lid.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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