This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
