Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
