Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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