just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need water and some morals
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
