He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
