My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
