STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
