I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
