The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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