why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
