ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
