We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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