After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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