This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
