I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
